Why Do Intelligent People Choose to Live Alone?

Why Do Intelligent People Choose to Live Alone?

Have you ever wondered why some people, as they grow older, seem to prefer living alone?

They may not enjoy large gatherings.  They may not feel the need to have many friends, and they may not feel uncomfortable spending an entire day by themselves. They can sit alone for hours reading, thinking, creating, working, or simply enjoying the quietness of their own company.

Are they lonely?  Or is there a rich inner world behind their silence that others simply cannot see?

Some psychological research suggests that people with strong cognitive abilities, independent thinking, and a more inward-oriented personality may not seek constant social interaction.  They may prefer spending time with their own thoughts, pursuing creative interests, or developing a few meaningful relationships rather than maintaining a large social circle.

But this does not mean that everyone who enjoys being alone is intelligent, nor that all intelligent people prefer solitude.  People have different social and emotional needs.  What matters is not how many friends someone has, but rather this question:

Do they truly need other people’s approval and company in order to feel that they have value?

Some people simply do not enjoy maintaining a wide circle of acquaintances because they find it difficult to connect deeply with others who share their way of thinking, their values, or their understanding of life. They do not want to spend too much time on superficial relationships.  Instead, they may choose a few genuine connections – or sometimes, they may choose the quietness of their own company.

But from a Buddhist perspective, “knowing how to live alone” has a much deeper meaning.

In Buddhist teachings, the art of living alone is not about escaping from life.  Nor does it come from believing that one is superior or more intelligent than others.  To truly know how to live alone means learning not to become dependent on other people or on external circumstances for our inner peace.

A person can live with a family and still know how to live alone.

They can work in a crowded office and still know how to live alone.

They can walk through a busy city, hear all kinds of praise and criticism, witness gossip and conflict, and yet remain calm and awake within.

That is the real challenge.

Because being lonely and knowing how to be alone are not the same thing.

Loneliness can come from feeling that there is no one to rely on.

But knowing how to be alone means reaching a point where we no longer need another person to fill the emptiness within us.

A person who knows how to live alone is not necessarily cold or distant.  In fact, when we are no longer constantly driven by attachment, desire, approval, and fear of loss, we may begin to see other people with greater compassion.

We still know how to feel sadness and joy.  We can still love, care, and feel another person's pain.  But we no longer allow our emotions to completely control us.

We can love someone without possessing them.

We can care for someone without demanding anything in return.

We can give without constantly expecting something in return.

We can see someone suffering without immediately judging them.

Because within us, there is enough inner space to listen and understand.

That is why, when we encounter people like this, we may sometimes think they are quiet, distant, or difficult to approach.  But their silence does not necessarily mean that they lack warmth.  It may simply be the sign of someone who has learned to live more deeply within themselves.

Buddhism continually reminds us to observe life deeply in each present moment.  To truly see our own minds, we sometimes need silence.

When the noise of the outside world becomes too loud, it is easy to confuse what we genuinely want with what other people expect us to become.

When we spend time alone, we begin to hear the quiet voices within.

We recognize what is causing our suffering.

We begin to see attachments we once didn't realize we had.

We understand that some relationships we once believed we could never live without may actually have been based on dependence.

And little by little, we learn to let go.

Letting go does not mean that we stop loving.

Letting go means learning to love without being bound by attachment.

It means living in this world without letting it constantly carry our minds away.

Therefore, a person who truly knows how to live alone does not need to retreat into a deep forest or isolate themselves completely from society.  They can live in a crowded city, surrounded by family, work, responsibilities, and the inevitable conflicts of everyday life, while still maintaining a peaceful inner space.

This is the solitude of an awakened mind – not the loneliness of someone who has been left behind.

I am not suggesting that everyone should live alone. Human beings still need family, friendship, companionship, and healthy relationships.  We were not born to separate ourselves from life.

But perhaps every one of us needs to learn how to be alone without being afraid of ourselves.

If you are someone who enjoys quietness, thinks independently, loves creativity, and needs periods of time without interruption from others, do not be too quick to think that there is something unusual about you.

Perhaps your mind simply needs some silence.

And if one day you realize that you no longer need other people's approval as much as you once did, that praise and criticism no longer disturb you so deeply, and that the gains and losses of life no longer easily throw you off balance, then perhaps you are learning an important lesson:

The art of living alone.

Because ultimately, the purpose of learning to live alone is not to turn away from other people.  It is to return to ourselves.

And along the path of spiritual practice, that inner silence becomes even more precious.  When the mind stops constantly chasing after external circumstances, we finally have the opportunity to look deeply within ourselves – to recognize the desires, attachments, and ignorance that quietly shape our lives.

At some point, we begin to understand that peace does not depend on how many people surround us.  It depends on our ability to find refuge within ourselves.

Then, whether we are alone or surrounded by thousands of people, we no longer feel truly lonely.

Because when we have discovered peace within ourselves, wherever we go, we always have a place to come home to.

One-Pot Rice: A Simple, Flexible Meal

One-Pot Rice: A Simple, Flexible Meal 

I’ve shared several simple meal ideas for those of you who live alone, and this one-pot rice dish is one of my favorites when I want something easy, filling, and adaptable.

It’s somewhat similar to Korean mixed rice, but you can change the ingredients and seasonings to suit your taste – or simply use whatever you have on hand. It’s also a great way to make a complete meal without spending much time in the kitchen.

The basic formula is simple: rice + vegetables + beans + a good protein source.  Once you have that combination, you can change the flavor and protein from day to day so the meal never feels repetitive.

Ingredients:

1½ cups basmati rice

1 cup spaghetti, broken into 3-inch pieces

3 cups of water or broth

1 cup chopped onion

3 garlic cloves, minced

1 can beans of your choice, drained and rinsed

3 chicken sausages, sliced into bite-sized pieces

¼ cup cooking oil, plus a little more for sautéing

Salt, to taste

Black pepper, to taste

½ teaspoon cumin

½ teaspoon paprika

½ teaspoon dried oregano

1–2 teaspoons soy sauce

½–1 teaspoon chicken bouillon powder, optional

Chopped cilantro or parsley, for serving

Directions:

Preparing the rice and spaghetti:

Rinse the basmati rice until the water runs mostly clear, then drain well.  Break the spaghetti into pieces about 3 inches long.

Toasting the spaghetti:

Heat about ¼ cup of oil in a large pan over medium heat.  Add the spaghetti and cook, stirring frequently, until golden brown.  Be careful – it can brown quickly.

Adding the rice:

Add the drained rice and stir-fry for 1–2 minutes, just enough to lightly toast the grains.  Transfer the rice and toasted spaghetti to a rice cooker.

Building the flavor:

Using the same pan, add a little more oil if needed. Sauté the onion until softened, then add the garlic and cook until fragrant.  Add the sliced chicken sausage and cook briefly to develop some color.

Seasoning and adding the liquid:

Add the water or broth, cumin, paprika, oregano, black pepper, soy sauce, and chicken bouillon powder if using.  Bring the mixture to a gentle boil and taste the broth.  Adjust the salt and seasonings before adding it to the rice.

Cooking everything together:

Pour the seasoned liquid and sausage mixture into the rice cooker.  Add the drained beans and stir gently to combine.  Close the lid and cook according to your rice cooker's normal setting.

Finishing and serving:

Once the rice is cooked, let it rest for 5–10 minutes before fluffing.  Taste and adjust seasoning as needed. Finish with chopped cilantro or parsley and serve warm.

Choosing a Better Protein:

The protein is the easiest part of this recipe to change, and making a thoughtful choice can turn this simple dish into a more nutritious everyday meal.

Chicken sausage is convenient, but many packaged sausages can be relatively high in sodium and saturated fat.  If you eat this dish regularly, consider rotating in less-processed protein sources.

Good options include:

Chicken or turkey: Dice boneless, skinless chicken or turkey and sauté it with the onions and garlic before adding the liquid.

Eggs: Add a couple of beaten eggs toward the end of cooking, or top each serving with a fried or soft-boiled egg.

Tofu: Firm or extra-firm tofu works particularly well. Cube it and pan-fry until golden before adding it to the rice.

Edamame: Frozen shelled edamame is especially convenient and adds both protein and fiber.

Lentils: Cooked lentils can replace some or all of the beans for an inexpensive, plant-based protein boost.

Fish or shrimp: These are good choices when you want a lighter meal.  Cook them separately and add them toward the end so they don't become overcooked.

Lean ground chicken or turkey: Brown it with the onion and garlic for a flavorful, easy-to-portion option.

 

You can also simply use fewer sausages and increase the beans, vegetables, or another whole-food protein. That keeps the dish satisfying while reducing your reliance on processed meat.

A Simple Formula for Changing It Up:

Once you know the basic recipe, you don't really need to follow it exactly.

Try thinking of it as:

Rice + toasted pasta + protein + beans + vegetables + seasonings

For example:

Chicken + chickpeas + cumin + paprika

Tofu + edamame + soy sauce + sesame

Shrimp + peas + garlic + paprika

Lentils + carrots + cumin + oregano

Egg + black beans + corn + chili powder

You can also add whatever vegetables you have available – carrots, peas, corn, bell peppers, mushrooms, spinach, or zucchini all work well.

The beauty of a one-pot meal is that the method stays the same while the ingredients can change.  That makes it especially useful when you're cooking for one: simple enough for a busy day, but flexible enough that you don't have to eat exactly the same meal every time.

Cabbage and Jicama Salad

Cabbage and Jicama Salad

This Vietnamese-inspired cabbage salad is similar to Western coleslaw, but with a lighter, fresher dressing and shredded Jicama.  It pairs especially well with grilled meats, as the crisp vegetables and bright sweet-and-sour dressing help balance richer flavors.

I’m sharing a simple and quick version of this traditional-style salad, perfect for busy days when you want something fresh and flavorful without spending too much time in the kitchen.

Ingredients:

Salad:

• 2 cups pre-cut cabbage, green or red
• 1 cup peeled and finely shredded cassava
• 1/4 cup finely shredded white onion
• 1 cup pre-cut or shredded carrots
• 1/4 cup chopped cilantro, for garnish
• Roasted sesame seeds, optional

Dressing ingredients:

• 1 tablespoon fish sauce
• 2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
• 1 tablespoon fresh lime juice
• 1 teaspoon finely chopped chili, or to taste
• 2 tablespoons honey
• 1/4 cup olive oil
• 1/8 teaspoon black pepper

Directions:

1. Preparing the vegetables:
Place the pre-cut cabbage, shredded carrots, cassava, and onion in a large bowl.  Toss gently to combine.

2. Making the dressing:
In a separate small bowl, whisk together the fish sauce, apple cider vinegar, lime juice, chopped chili, honey, olive oil, and black pepper.

3. Combining:
Pour the dressing over the vegetables and toss well.  Taste and adjust the seasoning according to your family's preference.  The dressing should have a pleasant sweet, sour, salty, and slightly spicy balance.

4. Letting it rest:
For the best flavor, toss the salad with the dressing about 10 minutes before serving.  This gives the vegetables enough time to absorb the flavors while remaining crisp.

5. Garnishing and Serving:
Sprinkle with chopped cilantro and roasted sesame seeds, if desired.

Serving Suggestion:

This salad is especially delicious served alongside grilled meats, roasted chicken, or other rich dishes.  Its crisp texture and light, tangy dressing make it a refreshing complement to a hearty meal.

Vegetarian Porridge

I usually make this simple vegetarian porridge when I have leftover rice or the day after fasting.  It’s a comforting, nourishing meal packed with vegetables, mushrooms, and tofu.  If you’re not vegan, you can also add an egg when the porridge is almost finished cooking.

Traditional porridge recipes often call for roasting the rice first to bring out a nutty, fragrant flavor.  For this recipe, I use leftover cooked rice instead, making it a quick and easy meal that can be prepared in about 15 minutes.

Ingredients:

1 cup leftover cooked rice

4 cups water

About 2 cups mixed vegetables, cut into small cubes

(chayote, kohlrabi, carrots, pumpkin, or other vegetables of your choice)

1 cup mushrooms, sliced

(oyster mushrooms, white mushrooms, straw mushrooms, or a combination)

½ white onion, finely chopped

1 tablespoon fresh ginger, finely chopped

3 green onions, chopped

A small handful of fresh cilantro, chopped

Salt, to taste

Soy sauce, to taste

Mushroom seasoning, to taste

Black or white pepper, to taste

1–2 teaspoons cooking oil

Optional: 1 egg, if you are not vegan

Directions:

Sautéing the aromatics:

Heat the oil in a pot over medium heat.  Add the chopped onion and ginger and sauté for 1–2 minutes, until fragrant.

Adding the rice and water:

Stir in the leftover rice and add 4 cups of water.  Bring to a boil, stirring occasionally to help the rice break down and create a creamy consistency.

Adding the vegetables and mushrooms:

Add the chopped vegetables and mushrooms.  Reduce the heat to medium and simmer for about 10-15 minutes, or until the vegetables are tender and the porridge reaches your preferred consistency.

Seasoning:

Season with salt, soy sauce, and mushroom seasoning to taste.  Stir well and adjust the seasoning as needed.

Optional egg:

If you eat eggs, crack one into the porridge when it is almost finished cooking.  Stir gently for an egg-drop style porridge or leave the egg whole and cook until set.

Add fried tofu into the porridge before it has done

Serving:

Ladle the hot porridge into bowls.  Garnish with chopped green onions and cilantro and finish with a little freshly ground pepper for extra aroma.

Tips:

Add more water if you prefer thinner porridge.

Feel free to use whatever vegetables you have on hand.  Corn, cabbage, spinach, or broccoli also work well.

For extra protein, add cubed firm tofu along with the mushrooms and vegetables.

For a richer flavor, you can use vegetable broth instead of water.

Sweet and Sour Pompano Fish

Pompano is a tender yet firm fish that is especially delicious when fried and served with a flavorful sweet and sour sauce.  It’s also a convenient choice for smaller households, as Korean markets often sell pompano individually.

For a lighter option, you can air-fry the fish instead of deep-frying it, then spoon the sweet and sour sauce over the top.

Ingredients:

Fish ingredients:

1 whole pompano fish, cleaned

Oil, for frying

Aromatics:

2 garlic cloves, minced

1 small piece of fresh ginger, shredded

Use any combination of the following Vegetables — 2 cups total:

Tomatoes

Green onions

Red bell pepper

Pineapple

Cabbage

Sweet & Sour Sauce

1 tablespoon fish sauce

1 tablespoon sugar

1 tablespoon vinegar

Slurry:

⅓ cup water or stock

1 teaspoon cornstarch

Directions:

Preparing the fish:

Rinse the pompano and pat it dry.  Make two shallow diagonal cuts on each side of the fish.  This helps it cook evenly and allows the flavors to penetrate.

Frying the fish:

Heat enough oil in a large pan to fry the fish.  Carefully add the pompano and fry both sides until golden brown and cooked through.  Transfer to a serving plate.

Preparing the aromatics:

Carefully remove most of the oil from the pan, leaving about 1 tablespoon.  Add minced garlic and shredded ginger.  Sauté until fragrant.

Cooking the vegetables:

Add the vegetables and stir-fry for about 2 minutes, keeping them slightly crisp.

Making the sauce:

Stir together the fish sauce, sugar, and vinegar, then add the mixture to the pan.  Bring to a gentle boil.

Thickening the sauce:

Mix the cornstarch with water or stock until smooth. Slowly pour the slurry into the pan, stirring constantly. Cook until the sauce thickens slightly.

Serving:

Pour the sweet and sour vegetable sauce generously over the fried pompano.  Serve immediately with steamed rice.

 

Air-frying Option:

Air-fry the prepared pompano until golden and cooked through, then serve it with the sweet and sour sauce.

Become Your Own Teacher

Become Your Own Teacher

We do not suffer only because of what happens in our lives.  At a deeper level, we suffer because we do not understand ourselves.  We often look outside ourselves for answers: someone to love, a career to succeed in, a place to go, possessions to acquire, or a teacher to depend on.  We believe that once we have these things, happiness will come.  Yet after we achieve what we want, another emptiness often appears.  We want more.  We fear losing what we have.  We compare ourselves with others, then chase a new goal.  The cycle continues endlessly.

Why is that?

Because we have never truly turned inward and asked:

Who am I?
What am I living for?
What truly makes me happy?
Why is my mind restless?
Why do I keep repeating the same old mistakes?

When we do not understand ourselves, it is easy to live a life defined by others.  Society tells us what success looks like, so we pursue that version of success. People tell us what happiness should be, so we search for it.  When we see what others have, we want it too. One day, we may possess many things and yet have no idea what we truly want.

That is a profound form of suffering: living a life that we ourselves do not understand.

Turning Inward Is a Teaching of Buddhism

If we want to be free from suffering, we must learn to turn inward – not to escape from life, but to see life with greater clarity.

Begin with a few fundamental questions:

Who am I?

Am I truly living, or am I merely existing?

Are these desires truly mine, or are they things I have learned from society?

What really matters to me?

Am I searching for happiness, or am I running away from my own anxiety?

If I did not need to prove anything to anyone, how would I live?

These questions do not need to be answered immediately.  They are doorways.

Each time we honestly look within, another layer of ignorance begins to fall away.  We start to see how our minds operate: our fears, desires, jealousy, wounds, expectations, and all the things we have carried for years.

Once we can see these things clearly, they no longer have complete control over us.

That is the beginning of awakening.

Without Understanding Ourselves, We Repeat Ourselves

A person who does not understand their own mind will repeat the same old stories in new forms: changing jobs but remaining dissatisfied, changing partners but continuing to suffer, moving to a new place while still feeling restless, achieving a goal only to find that joy quickly fades away.

The problem is not necessarily our circumstances, but the way our minds relate to them.

If fear and a sense of lack remain inside us, then no matter how much we change the outside world, we carry ourselves with us.  We cannot run away from ourselves.

Therefore, the path of transformation does not begin by changing the world.  It begins by understanding the person who is looking at the world.

Become Your Own Teacher

Being a teacher does not mean standing before a crowd and giving lectures.

First, become the teacher of your own mind – the person who understands themselves:

Know when you are angry.

Know when you are afraid.

Know when you are grasping for more.

Know when you are seeking approval.

And most importantly, learn to see all these things without becoming their slave.

An awakened person is not someone who no longer has emotions.  It is someone who can see their emotions without allowing them to determine the course of their entire life.

It is not about having no desires, but about understanding desire.

It is not about having no suffering, but about understanding the roots of suffering.

It is not about having no fear, but about having enough clarity to face fear directly.

The more deeply we understand ourselves, the freer we become.

And from that freedom, happiness no longer needs to be chased.

When We Understand Ourselves, We Naturally Illuminate the Lives of Others

A lamp does not have to try to shine.   It only needs to be lit.

In the same way, a person who understands themselves does not need to try to become an inspiration to others.  The way they live becomes their teaching.

Their peace is their message.

The way they face adversity is their lesson.

The way they love without possessing is their light.

The journey of becoming a teacher does not begin by teaching others.  It begins by living according to the very principles we wish to share.

When we are truly awake, we no longer care whether others call us a “teacher.”  We simply live.

And that life itself becomes the teacher.

The Middle Way

To have the time and energy for the journey of awakening, we need to live simply: eat moderately, sleep moderately, work moderately, rest moderately, and consume moderately.

The body has genuine needs.  The mind, however, can create countless desires that go far beyond those needs.

The more we chase unnecessary desires, the more time and energy we consume.

The path of awakening requires simplicity – not poverty, not self-denial, and not giving up joy, but knowing what is enough.

This is the spirit of the Middle Way: neither indulgence nor extremism.

When we let go of unnecessary needs, we gain more time to turn inward.

Life Was Not Meant to Be Suffering

We often think that life means enduring hardship, competing with others, and achieving as much as possible before we are finally allowed to be happy.

But life does not have to be understood this way.

We can enjoy ourselves, play, love, explore – and still awaken.

An awakened person can enjoy a meal, watch the sunset, love someone, do work they enjoy, and laugh wholeheartedly without losing themselves in any of it.

That is true freedom.

Become Your Own Teacher

The deepest teachings on awakening ultimately bring us back to ourselves.

Do not only look for a teacher outside yourself.  Look for the teacher sleeping within you.

Observe your mind.

Ask questions.

Slow down.

Let go of what you do not truly need.

Learn to distinguish between needs and desires, between happiness and stimulation, between freedom and indulgence.

Above all, learn to live with awareness in the midst of ordinary days.

Awakening does not necessarily begin with an extraordinary moment.

It may begin this very morning, when you ask yourself:

“Am I living my own life, or the life that other people want me to live?”

If you are courageous enough to truly face that question, the journey has already begun.

And the most important thing is not to become a teacher so that you can teach others.

It is to become a human being who understands themselves so deeply that they no longer need to run away from themselves.

Then life is no longer a burden.

It becomes a journey – to live, to love, to play, to explore, and to awaken.

Stir-Fried Bitter Melon with King Oyster Mushrooms and Eggs

Bitter melon, also known as bitter gourd, has a distinctive bitter flavor and has long been valued in traditional medicine.  It is rich in vitamin C and contains vitamin A, a fat-soluble vitamin that supports healthy skin and vision.  Combined with king oyster mushrooms and eggs, bitter melon makes a flavorful, nutritious, and budget-friendly dish.  In rural Vietnam, this is the kind of simple meal that can easily appear on the table every day.  Many farmers grow bitter melon in their gardens and raise free-range chickens, making the ingredients readily available.  There is something comforting about the simplicity of traditional rural cooking – fresh ingredients, uncomplicated preparation, and meals enjoyed with family.  This dish is a wonderful addition to a weekly menu when you are looking for an affordable and wholesome vegetable dish.

Ingredients:

1 bitter melon (bitter gourd)

1 king oyster mushroom

2 eggs

Cooking oil, for stir-frying

Stir-Fry Sauce ingredients:

1 tablespoon soy sauce

1 tablespoon oyster sauce

1 teaspoon sugar

1 teaspoon vinegar

1 teaspoon mushroom seasoning

¼ teaspoon salt

½ cup water

Aromatics & Seasonings:

1 shallot, finely minced

2 garlic cloves, minced

2 green onions, sliced

Black or white pepper, to taste

Directions:

Preparing the vegetables:

Wash the bitter melon and cut in half lengthwise. Remove the seeds and white pith, then slice the bitter melon thinly.

To help reduce its bitterness, lightly sprinkle the sliced bitter melon with salt and let it sit for about 15 minutes.  Rinse well and drain.

Preparing the green onions:

Separate the white and green parts.  Cut the white portion into short sections and slice the green leaves. Set aside.

Preparing the mushrooms:

Slice the king oyster mushroom into bite-sized pieces. If desired, lightly sprinkle the mushrooms with salt and let them sit for about 15 minutes, then rinse and drain.

Preparing the eggs:

Crack the eggs into a bowl and beat well with a small pinch of salt and vinegar.

Mixing the sauce:

Combine the soy sauce, oyster sauce, sugar, vinegar, mushroom seasoning, salt, and water in a small bowl. Stir well and set aside.

Cooking the eggs:

Heat a little oil in a large skillet or wok over high heat. Add the eggs and stir-fry for about 2 minutes, stirring gently until they are just cooked through.  Transfer the eggs to a plate and set aside.

 

Stir-frying the vegetables:

Using the same pan, add a little more oil.  Add the minced garlic, shallot, and the white parts of the green onions.  Stir-fry until fragrant.

Add king oyster mushrooms and bitter melon.  Stir-fry over medium-high to high heat until the vegetables are nearly cooked.

Adding the sauce:

Pour in the prepared sauce and continue cooking until the liquid has reduced slightly and the vegetables are well coated.

Finishing the dish:

Return the cooked eggs to the pan and gently toss everything together, allowing the eggs to absorb some of the flavorful sauce.  Taste and adjust the seasoning as needed.

Garnishing and serving:

Sprinkle with freshly ground pepper and the green parts of the green onions.  Turn off the heat and serve immediately.

Serving Suggestion:

Serve hot with steamed white rice.  The mild sweetness of the rice balances the distinctive bitterness of the bitter melon, while the mushrooms and eggs add a satisfying savory richness.

Simple, affordable, and comforting, this is a wonderful everyday Vietnamese-style home-cooked meal.