Are Compassion and Empathy the Same?

Are Compassion and Empathy the Same?

From an early age, our parents, teachers, and elders often teach us about kindness, empathy, and the importance of sharing the burdens of those who are struggling.  These values gradually help shape who we become.

In everyday life, people sometimes use empathy and compassion as if they mean the same thing.  However, when we look more deeply, they are not quite the same. Both begin with the ability to recognize and understand another person's pain and emotions, but how we respond to that suffering can differ greatly.

Empathy is the ability to put ourselves in another person's situation and try to understand what they may be feeling.  When we empathize, we do not merely recognize another person's pain intellectually; we try to feel and understand it with our hearts as well.

For example, when someone loses a loved one, we may imagine the emptiness and grief they are experiencing.  We understand that if we were in their situation, we might feel the same deep pain.

But empathy does not necessarily lead to action.

We may understand someone's suffering and feel sad with them, yet still not know what to do – or may not have the ability – to help.

Compassion goes one step further.  It arises when we recognize another person's suffering, understand something of what they are going through, and from that understanding develop a genuine wish to do something to ease their pain.

Put simply:

Empathy means understanding and feeling another person's pain.

Compassion means understanding and feeling that pain, while also wishing to do something to relieve it.

In Buddhist teachings, the concept closest to compassion is karuṇā, or compassion arising from an understanding of suffering.

Compassion Is More Than Pity

Compassion does not simply mean feeling sorry for someone who is suffering.  Pity can sometimes create a sense of separation:

“I am more fortunate than you, and you are the unfortunate one.”

Compassion, however, looks more deeply into the nature of suffering.

The Buddha taught us that suffering is part of life.  No one can completely escape birth, aging, illness, death, separation, loss, disappointment, and the many things that do not go according to our wishes.

Someone else may be suffering today, but tomorrow we ourselves may find ourselves in a similar situation.

When we truly understand this, we no longer look at a suffering person from the position of an outsider who judges them.  Instead, we see them with the understanding that they and we are human beings living in the same impermanent world, subject to the same laws of life.

This understanding is the foundation of compassion.

Compassion does not mean that we must carry all of another person's suffering on our shoulders.  Nor does it mean that we must solve every problem for them.

Compassion means seeing suffering, understanding something of its causes, and, when possible, doing something to help lessen that suffering.

A timely word, a sincere willingness to listen, a hand extended to someone who is desperate, or simply sitting beside someone who is crying without judging them – all of these can be expressions of compassion.

How Can Empathy Become Compassion?

Empathy is a beautiful quality, but without mindfulness and awareness, deep empathy can sometimes cause us to become overwhelmed by another person's emotions.

When we see someone suffering, we suffer with them.

When they become hopeless, we may also become hopeless.

When they become angry, we may be swept into their anger.

At that point, our empathy may not actually help the person who is suffering, because both of us have become trapped in the same emotional storm.

Buddhism offers us another way of looking at suffering:

See suffering, but do not allow yourself to become drowned in it.

To do this, we first need mindfulness.

1. Become Aware of Yourself

When we encounter another person's suffering, we should first notice what is happening within our own mind.

Are we sad?

Are we feeling sorrow for them?

Are we afraid?

Are we angry?

Or are we trying to immediately solve their problem for them?

Mindfulness allows us to recognize these emotions without immediately being controlled by them.

When our mind is calm and clear, we can help others with wisdom rather than simply reacting emotionally.

2. See Things As They Are

Compassion needs to be accompanied by non-judgment.

When someone is suffering, it is very easy for us to say:

“Why did they do that?”

“If they had listened to me, this would never have happened.”

“They brought this problem upon themselves.”

Words of judgment rarely make suffering disappear.

Instead of looking for someone to blame, try to look at the person's circumstances with a more open mind.

Every person has their own causes, conditions, experiences, and limitations – many of which we may never fully see or understand.

Not judging does not mean believing that every action is right.  It means having the ability to see a person and their actions within the larger context of their life, with awareness and understanding.

3. Find an Appropriate Way to Help

Once we recognize another person's suffering, we can ask ourselves:

“What can I do to help this person suffer a little less?”

Sometimes help means offering material support.

Sometimes it means giving thoughtful advice.

Sometimes it simply means being present.

And sometimes, the best thing we can do is quietly listen.

We cannot always save someone from their circumstances.  But we can help them feel that they are not completely alone during difficult times.

A small act, when it comes from a sincere heart, can become a seed of compassion.

4. Cultivate Compassion Every Day

Compassion is not something that appears only in special moments.  It is something we cultivate through daily practice.

We can begin by learning to listen more, judge less, put ourselves in other people's situations, and regularly contemplate the impermanent nature of life.

Compassion meditation is another practice that can help us open our hearts.

We can regularly cultivate sincere wishes such as:

“May I be at peace.”

“May the people I love be at peace.”

“May those who are suffering find relief from their pain.”

“May all beings live in peace and well-being.”

As we practice these thoughts with sincerity, our hearts gradually become softer, more understanding, and more open.

Compassion Does Not Mean Carrying Other People's Pain

One important thing to understand is that compassion does not mean sacrificing ourselves to solve every problem in another person's life.

Without sufficient awareness and wisdom, our desire to help others can sometimes turn into excessive interference.  We may exhaust ourselves or, unintentionally, prevent others from developing the strength to stand on their own.

True compassion always goes hand in hand with wisdom.

Sometimes helping is the right thing to do.

Sometimes we need to step back and allow another person to learn their own lessons.

Sometimes giving is appropriate, while at other times, knowing how to say “no” may actually be the most compassionate thing we can do.

Therefore, compassion is not simply having a heart that cares.  It is also having a mind that knows how to care wisely.

From Empathy to Compassion

If we look at these qualities as a gradual process, we might understand them this way:

Sympathy is recognizing another person's suffering.

Empathy is moving closer to understanding and to feeling something of that suffering.

Compassion is allowing that understanding and feeling to give rise to a sincere wish to do something to ease the suffering – through an appropriate and wise action.

But in Buddhism, compassion goes even deeper.

It is not limited to the people we love or those who are close to us.  As our understanding grows, compassion can gradually extend to strangers, and even to those who have hurt us.

When we look deeply into dependent origination, we begin to understand that no one exists completely independently.  A person's suffering may arise from ignorance, wounds from the past, difficult life circumstances, and countless conditions that they themselves may not fully control.

Understanding this does not mean tolerating wrongdoing or excusing harmful behavior.

Rather, understanding helps us respond without creating more hatred.

We can recognize that an action is harmful while still refusing to respond with hatred toward the person who committed it.

The Heart of Compassion

Perhaps the most beautiful gift of compassion is not how many people we can save.

It is that compassion teaches us to see other human beings with less judgment and a more open heart.

Empathy helps us enter into another person's suffering.

Wisdom keeps us from becoming lost in that suffering.

And compassion shows us what we can do to help lessen it.

This is the journey from:

“I understand your suffering”

to:

“I want to walk with you through your suffering – with a peaceful heart, a clear mind, and compassion guided by wisdom.”