When entering the path of practice, this
question becomes inevitable. The path of
practice is often a lonely journey, where close relationships or friendships
sometimes become distant, as they no longer share the same language. Not because they change, but because we have
chosen a direction few people understand. This difference creates a distance,
and that distance is what we call loneliness.
But loneliness, if understood correctly, is
not a fear that needs to be avoided. It
is the space where we return to ourselves, like birds returning to their nests
at dusk, like rivers returning to the ocean. Physical loneliness does not mean
avoiding people; it means creating space for silence. Mental loneliness occurs when the mind is not
consumed by an endless stream of thoughts, and we no longer need to rely on
external stimulation to feel complete.
This is a form of inner freedom, characterized by the absence of mental
noise, accompanied by alertness and awareness.
Some people fear that they will become
lethargic and dreamy if they do not think about anything. But it is just an illusion of a mind
accustomed to being disturbed. Just as a
small pebble can cause ripples on a calm lake, so can our soul. But the water
cannot be muddy if the lake is deep and wide, no matter how much wind there is. That stillness is strength, the foundation of
clarity and freedom.
Master Toai Khanh once said that when he
preached, he connected with another world—the world of words, ideas, and
emotions. But when he was alone, that
was the actual spiritual world, where there was no longer any dependence on
language or the praise of others. Zen masters from ancient times also realized
this. They knew that the less dependent
on the outside, the closer to the truth.
Dissatisfaction is a disease. People hurt themselves by clinging to
unfulfilled expectations. I remember my
sister-in-law, who had been with my brother through difficult years, protecting
each other on the dangerous journey of crossing the border to find freedom. Yet
in her old age, she declared that she had never loved him. Was it a denial of the past or just a way to
excuse her pain? It was also a form of
loneliness.
I live alone. My brothers and sisters are living together
in the same place. Today’s weather is
beautiful, with white clouds, a deep blue sky, and occasional rain, accompanied
by distant thunder that is surprisingly quiet.
When I came to live in Florida,
the lizards running around in the garden startled me every time I saw them. But
now that I've grown accustomed to them, they are cute creatures. Where I live, there are also many birds. I
listen to them, and the wind chases each other on the treetops. It is so peaceful and pleasant. I have
everything I need… People are gradually leaving me to give me a small quiet
corner, to live alone, so what else is there to make me sad? Just good books,
some food, and calm. Everything else
becomes redundant.
People go to temples or monasteries to feel
like they are devout Buddhists, donate to charity, and may think they are
seeking happiness. However, they do not
view their happiness as an external emotion; they do not sit alone to discover
the happiness within. If daily
calculations, frustrations, and pollution continue to weigh on the soul, we
will not be happy. Things always go
wrong in every situation, and people always blame each other. “I am unhappy because of other people's
mistakes.” Strangely, we often fail to
recognize our shortcomings. We often
look to others to share our thoughts and to be affirmed that we are
intelligent. However, in practice, showing off knowledge only inflates the ego,
pulling us further away from the necessary silence. The pride of knowledge and the desire to be
recognized are the invisible strings that bind the mind.
I have learned to live alone. Sometimes, I want to share my deepest
thoughts but realize that few people listen.
After my mother passed away, I felt more clearly the difference between
myself and the world around me. That may
be why I chose the path of practice, even though I am just a lay person. I know I have many attachments, love music,
and want to talk to close friends because I know they need me to confide in. I began to feel that I was living a
straightforward and peaceful life, although I was not always happy. However, in my heart, there was no longer any
attachment to the world where people fought for life. I may have to wander for many more lives
because I do not think of myself as a monk.
I also want to spend more time meditating and being quiet, away from the
chaotic world outside. The world is
becoming increasingly chaotic.
Dissatisfaction and suffering are burning like a forest fire, spreading
far and wide like a contagious disease.
Few people appreciate the ancient wisdom, contentment, and simplicity
that the world is moving away from, in favor of science. But amidst the chaos, there are still moments
of peace, such as when I see a lizard changing colors on a pot of orchids—a
miracle of nature, a reminder that simplicity is always present, no matter how
the world outside changes. But above
all, I long for a quiet place undisturbed by greed, anger, and delusion.
I only hope that this path of practice will
lead me to the place that Buddhism calls the Pure Land.
