Being Cold and Silent at the Right Time – A Wise Choice

Our sense of self—the "ego"—is formed over time through layers of experience, knowledge, and memories.  It is influenced by our attachment to relationships, including those with our parents, spouses, kids, and lovers, as well as our thoughts and feelings.  We grow to have a strong sense of "I" and "mine," perceiving the world as an extension of who we are.

Humans naturally tend to hold onto things that provide them security, love, or comfort, and turn away from things that no longer serve or satisfy us.  This reaction is a basic form of self-protection. However, if we wish to grow beyond this instinctual level and reach a deeper, more noble way of being, we must go further.

True love is not about emotional gratification—it is about giving, accepting, and letting go.  To love meaningfully, we must first understand ourselves, especially the ego that drives us.  This ego is often entangled with craving, anger, and ignorance—the three “poisons” in Buddhist teachings.  If left unchecked, they cause suffering, especially when our ego feels threatened or wounded.

Vipassana meditation teaches us to look within and see the roots of our suffering.  According to the Buddha, suffering doesn’t truly come from external circumstances; it originates from within, from how we cling, resist, and desire.  External events may act as triggers, but the real cause lies in our reactions.

Conflict becomes inevitable when the ego is too inflated—internally or in our relationships.  That’s why learning to reduce ego size is essential for peace.  A smaller ego allows the heart to grow larger, more open, more forgiving, and more capable of accepting others as they are.

Therefore, sometimes choosing to be silent and a bit detached—not out of coldness, but out of wisdom—is the smart path.  Silence is not avoidance or indifference. It Is a way of protecting our inner peace and avoiding unnecessary conflict.  Silence can be a compassionate response rooted in clarity, helping us step back, see more clearly, and live more gently with ourselves and others.